Friday is the day of the Feature! This Friday welcomes a friend of mine who wishes to be kept anonymous, as she questions…
Why do so many strong women allow themselves to be weakened by a weak man?
Time and time again strong women who are self-confident, successful and financially stable become weakened by the same type of man they would tell any woman to avoid.
So just why do the strongest of women become the weakest in the wrong relationship?
Women are largely empathetic by nature, and sadly some men will see our kindness as weakness, and be intimidated by our success. Do not feel guilty for being career focused and earning money. Do not think that because someone tells you that they love you that you should become their financial provider. Do not feel guilty for spending your own money before helping them. A man who truly loves you would not feel comfortable with continuously leeching off you. Stop telling yourself that things will improve or change. The problem with putting someone else first is allowing yourself to be second.
Often, men tell their girlfriends that they are ‘crazy’ and ‘paranoid’. A man who is insecure in himself will want you to be insecure too.
So many women who to an outsider’s eye are successful and admirable convince themselves that they can’t do better. Excuses such as “he has no money so he can’t treat me well” consume our brains. Yet we neglect to remember how many ways someone can treat you without spending money.
Secondly, just because you are strong and in control most of the time, that does not mean you do not need a partner who can support you emotionally. Weak men seek you as a counsellor and are quick to place their burdens on your shoulders, and make you feel that your problems are insignificant. You deserve someone who supports you equally, and does not see your strong mind as a counselling service. So many women lose themselves within their boyfriend’s problems. His sadness does not have to be your sadness.
Understand that he believes activating your insecurities will make you stay. Often, men tell their girlfriends that they are ‘crazy’ and ‘paranoid’. A man who is insecure in himself will want you to be insecure too. Taking a woman who is strong and teaching her that she will never find a man who treats her better is common practice. He allows you to believe that you are not worthy so that he can continue to emotionally control you. For a weak man this is a win. He has defeated a confident woman, and made her insecure in a means to boost his own ego.
Being alone is doing better. A man who makes you question your worth is not a man who loves you. Do not let yourself be defined by a man.
Stop making excuses, and clinging to loose ends. If someone wanted to call you they would, sending a text to say ‘I miss you’ – they do not miss you! They miss your money, they miss your support. They do not miss you as a person. Do not confuse love for convenience.
The truth is, trying to change a broken man is useless. And once you have allowed a man to recognise that he is your weakness, he will never stop taking advantage. No matter how many times he says he loves you, and how many times you convince yourself he will change, he never will.
I write this while sat on the tube, as a reminder to myself that I too must find my lost self-worth.